The Torah Plus Me

The Torah Plus Me

by Rachelle David

I love you.

Perhaps my love is only mental

But it is real

As real as nothing that I ever imagined

When the man came down with you,

I was struck with jealousy,

Which I do know is a sin,

But I could not stop the emotions from flooding in

My skin was crawling with shivers

As I was trying to control my sensations

I wanted to be him

Holding you so closely

  Protecting you 

Never wanting to let go

                                                I wished to hold you like he held you

                                                But my desire was never fulfilled

                                                I was heartbroken

                                                My heart cracked and fell

                                                Abundant as crumbs on a Passover table

                                                But I am still hopeful,

                                                I will never give up,

                                                That one-day we might be closer

                                                Than the North and South poles

                                                Which is how close I feel we are

                                                   I loved you the first time I saw you

                                                  Even though I did not know what you were

                                                     At that time…

                                                  Emotion rushed when I set my eyes upon you

                                                I was slightly light-headed

                                                But not enough to faint

                                                  Because I am stronger than that

                                                  But I have grown to recognize you

                                                 You, and not your many clones

                                                Sometimes it is difficult

                                               And I feel lost without knowing where you are

                                              But I know who you really are

                                            And where you are

                                            So I am still secure

                                            So now I ask:

                                             Do you know me?

                                          If only you could speak

                                            Then you would tell me if I am

                                      Wasting my time

                                         And if I should let devastation set in, or

                                         If you do love me

                                       As much as I love you

                                       And I should banish all my doubts

                                    If only you could hear

                                     Then you would listen to all

                                         My wonderful words,

                                        Let them spread happiness

                                       As they pass through you brain,

                                    And love me because of them

                                      Instead of my physical features

                                   Which you could not see,

                                  Anyway

                                 If only you could kiss

                                Then we would kiss all

                               Through the night

                                And I would adore your lips

                                Smooth as I know they would be

                                 And you could kiss mine

                                    Only because you like being close to me

                              And because you love me

                             For mine are rough and dry

                              But you cannot

                             And I will never know the truth

                            Or maybe I will outgrow this infatuation,

                             Allow my paranoia to skip joyfully into the distance

                        Hopefully I will not cry like a parent

                      Whose last child just left the house

                       But instead like an emotional opera singer

                     Who was too passionate about the play

                        And cried lightly out of zeal.

                     I hope I cry like that, when this unhealthy bond concludes

                   And come to understand

                   That you love me more than I will ever be able to love you