Modern Traditions

by Carolina Aziz

Most Friday nights, I go to my grandmother’s house. The house usually smells like rice and freshly baked challah. Routinely, my grandmother prepares my family and I an appetizing meal. This week, my younger cousin started singing a Persian song she had overheard my grandmother singing. “Mard bayad pool dar bashe, Mard Bayad pool dar bashe, kachal ooh kamee chagh…” A man has to be wealthy, a man has to be wealthy, bald and a little chubby. “Zan bayad choshkel bashe Zan Bayad choshkel bashe sefeed ohh lahghar” A women has to be beautiful, a woman has to be beautiful, pale and thin. It is a satirical song mocking the classic traditional Persian couple. Even though I understand that my grandmother did not intend to undermine a woman’s role in society, the song troubled me.

            The stereotypical couple has evolved since my grandmother’s time. Now the ideal couple is a very young, thin, beautiful woman that can cook, clean and raise a family; and a tall, dark, handsome man with a profession. Is that how I saw my future and my marriage? Was education not in the picture? Although there are many pressures from my community to be the “perfect wife to be,” that was not what I wanted. The song reflected the common couple in Iran during my grandparent’s generation. My grandmother never had the option of pursuing a career and going to a university. The demands for a woman were to work and make some money and spend the remainder of her time learning how to cook and clean so she could eventually run a household. There is a disconnect in the mindset in Iran in the 1950's and the mindset in America in the 2010's. My grandmother and mother, both born and partially educated in Iran, have been raised under the notion that only men could pave the way for advancement. Being raised in America and going through the American schooling system, I am reminded of prominent women who have positively contributed to the English, mathematical and scientific developments of America and the world. Marie Curie, Margaret Fuller and Amelia Earhart are among the many influential and significant women that represent female potential.

Although I admire and understand the mindset of my mother and grandmother, I agree with the American mentality. I want to develop the traditional skills my mother and grandmother focused their time on learning, like cooking and cleaning. However, I also want to continue learning, pursuing a career and eventually contributing to the world and our future. I recognize that I have to responsibilities as a woman. My first role as a woman is to start a family that I can nurture, nourish, and guide. My second role is on a larger platform to educate myself, advocate for what I believe in and contribute to advancement and improvement.

As the pressure started overloading, I had thoughts of taking another route and not educating myself, but this song served as a reminder to me that women have as much potential as men and should utilize that potential for the greater good of the world.